Tis the season to be gluttons
by Leto
Summary: Yes, it's another Christmas fic. ^_^. The digidestined enjoy (well, *most* of them enjoy) a Christmas feast...


While I'm sure it doesn't fit with the Digimon timeline, let's pretend this Christmas falls before Ken stops being the Digimon Emporer, largely 'cos I haven't seen that far, don't know how to write Ken as 'good', and don't like butchering characters.

Davis: Coulda fooled me!

Ah, but you're fun to butcher. ^_^.

**'Tis the season to be gluttons**  
by [Leto][1]

"We digidestined should totally have a Christmas party of our own, in the digiworld!" said Davis eagerly, "what do you say, Kari?" 

He moved closer to her and she took a step back. "Uhh, okay, sure... TK?" she asked. 

"I think that's a gre-... uh, I guess so, if we have to," said TK, checking himself from showing enthusiasm at one of Davis' ideas. 

"Yayyy!" chirped Yolei, "I can get some goodies from my family's convenience store! We have Christmas cake, Christmas bread, Christmas turkey, Christmas soda, Christmas chocolate, Christmas -" 

"Christmas soda?" repeated Cody, "what's Christmas soda? And bread?" 

"What are you guys talking about?" 

The five digidestined turned in surprise as Izzy walked into the computer club room. 

"Oh, Izzy," gushed Yolei, "we were just talking about having a Christmas party in the digital world, and we'd just love it if you came with us!" 

"We would?" asked Davis, and was silenced by an elbow in the ribs. 

"I'd love to," said Izzy, and sat down in front of a computer, "I'll try to find us a suitable location... hey, Tentomon!" 

Tentomon's face was shown on the computer screen. "Hey, Izzy!" he said happily, and waved, "you'll never guess what I just found!" 

"What is it?" asked Izzy eagerly, "a new digiegg? Another digidestined? One of the Digimon Emporer's weak points?" 

Tentomon sweatdropped. "Even better! Food!" 

Izzy facefaulted. 

"Izzy, it's great! You should all come over right away! Some of the Digimon you rescued from the Digimon Emporer's clutches prepared a big Christmas feast as their way of saying thanks!" 

"Did somebody say FEAST?" 

Everyone sweatdropped as Tai came running into the computer room. 

"How did I know my brother would magically appear when food was involved," said Kari. 

"Oh well, you know, umm... Kari! If you're going to the digital world now, I'm coming with you! I have to protect you, you know!" 

Kari sweatdropped. "Yes, I'm sure that's the reason. You can come to the Christmas party if you like." 

"YES!" said Tai, pumping his fist in the air, "what are we waiting for? Food is calling!" 

"Food food food food food," chanted Upamon and Poromon in unison. 

Gatomon sighed. "Why do I get the impression we're going to see a truly impressive demonstration of Digimon gluttony here?" 

"Hey, not JUST Digimon!" protested Davis, patting his stomach, "there's plenty of room in here!" 

"Just like in your head," said Kari. Davis looked crushed, for about three seconds. 

"Ahah! Well, Yolei, you gonna open the gate or what?" 

"Digipooooort, OPEN!" she shouted, clicking keys and striking a melodramatic pose. The others sweatdropped but didn't get the chance to comment as they were all zapped through the computer screen. 

*** 

"In here, guys," said Tentomon happily, "I waited for you guys to come before I made a start on the food... well... almost..." 

"We'll be lucky if there's any left," muttered Izzy. 

Tentomon led them around some trees and they saw a smallish building, covered with Christmas lights and Santa decals and plastic stars and angels and reindeer. Tentomon ceremoniously pushed open the door, and inside were lots of Christmas decorations and a big Christmas tree, as well as a table laden with food. 

"Oh look!" said Davis, "mistletoe!" He pointed above his head and grinned at Kari, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

"Uh..." said Kari. 

It took less than a second for everyone to instantly zip to distant corners of the room as far away from Davis as possible. The goggle boy was left standing under the mistletoe all alone. 

"Aw man, that BITES," muttered Davis, and kicked the ground. 

Yolei giggled. "You want a kiss, Davis?" 

"Not from YOU!!" he shrieked. 

"From me?" suggested Veemon. 

"Get away from me!" shouted Davis. 

"Food's on," called Tai, with his mouth full, while shovelling more in. It was pretty obvious that the food was on (the table) but he was courteous enough to let everyone know that he was starting so that they could have some before he consumed the lot. 

"Hey, Kari," said Davis, "look! I can fit fife potatoes in moi mouf! Oi'll bet TF can't do vat!" 

"I don't think TK would WANT to do that," said Kari. 

TK sweatdropped. "It's not a BAD THING if I don't have such a big mouth as Davis..." 

Davis stuck his tongue out, which was a horrible mistake as five half-chewed potatoes ended up sprayed all over the table. Everyone screeched and moved away with impressive speed, except for Veemon who was used to Davis' table manners (or lack thereof). 

"Is that how you impress human girls?" asked Veemon, "can you teach me how to do that?" 

"DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!" shouted Davis. Veemon had actually meant it as a serious question but decided not to say so. 

Yolei piled hearty servings of everything onto her plate. 

"Quite a balancing job you've done there," said Hawkmon, with some nervousness, "how are you intending to eat it?" 

"It's easy," said Yolei, and, being an anime character, wolfed the lot in one mouthful. Everyone stared at her in shock. 

"She has a bigger mouth than Davis!" gasped Kari. 

"That's impossible," said Cody, and everyone had a good laugh at Davis' expense. 

"Hey, if this is a Christmas party, we should do Christmasy stuff," said Davis, changing the subject. 

"Mm, like eat," agreed Armadillomon, who was not nearly so polite at the dinner table as his partner. 

"No, I mean, how about Christmas carols? Or gift giving? Or -" 

"If Christmas carols mean we have to listen to Tai singing, I'd just as soon pass," said Izzy and Kari in unison. They looked at each other and then laughed. Tentomon flew over to a tape deck and turned it on, so that Christmas music started playing. 

"Davis, we went on this party on a whim," said Yolei, "I don't think any of us remembered to bring gifts." 

"Kari could give me a kiss," said Davis, going starry-eyed, "that would be the best Christmas gift of all..." 

"Here you go, Davis," said Kari, plucking a Hershey's Kiss from one of the bowls on the table and dropping it in his hand. 

Davis blinked, then shrieked "YESSSSS! A gift from Kari! That she touched with her own hand!" 

"My own -gloved- hand," muttered Kari. 

"This Hershey's Kiss could not be worth more if the foil was real gold!" 

"But it could," said Cody practically, "if it were real gold, you could sell it for a lot of money." 

"Thank you Cody, it was - a FIGURE OF SPEECH!" 

Cody went red but came back with, "sorry Davis, with you I couldn't tell if it was a figure of speech or if you actually believed it wouldn't be more valuable as real gold." 

This made everyone laugh at Davis' expense again. It was, after all, the digidestined's favourite leisure activity. 

Davis sulked, grabbed about three bowls of food and plonked himself down on a chair. After a while, everyone was sitting down, except for the Digimon who were horizontal and groaning with all the food they had consumed. 

Everyone was in a good mood, absolutely stuffed full of food and ready to relax. Due to this mindset, nobody seemed too alarmed when the Digimon Emporer (cue evil music) appeared in the doorway. 

"Beware, for I am here!" said Ken, flapping his cape for effect. 

"Help," said Kari, unenthusiastically. 

"I'm scared," said TK, in an equally dispirited tone. 

"Hahahahahahahaha," said Ken eloquently. 

"You idiot," mumbled Davis, picking his teeth with his fingers (ever oozing grace and refinement, is our Davis), "if you wanna sound like a REAL evil supervillain, you have to go MWAhahahahahahahaha or AHahahahahahahaha... you know, and give it a good note of hysteria." 

"I'm not hysterical!" snapped Ken, "I'm in my perfect senses! You fools know nothing of my master plan!" 

"Master plan?" asked Davis, still too comfortably stuffed with food to bother to get aggressive, or even, indeed, to move. 

"You fools! I set this sumptuous Christmas feast up for you!" 

"Oh," said Davis, "well, that was nice of you. The turkey could have been cooked for about ten minutes longer, I think, but besides -" 

"Shut up, you fool!" 

"C'mon," said Kari, "can't you use more imaginative insults than that? You wouldn't want us to think you're an uncreative 'fool' who can't even use a thesaurus." 

"STOP ARGUING WITH ME!" shriked Ken, "WHY ISN'T ANYONE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY! I *SAID*, I PREPARED THIS FEAST FOR YOU!" 

"So, what, do you expect us to pay for it?" asked Yolei, suspiciously. 

"I'm a little worried," said Cody, "what if he's poisoned this food or something?" 

"No, my master plan was infinitely more sophisticated and sinister than that," said Ken, smirking. He went into melodramatic-supervillain mode (TM). 

"Ahahahahahaha!" 

"Better," said Davis. Ken ignored this. 

"I, like all evil geniuses, have done my research!" 

"Genii," said Izzy, with a slight smirk, "in the same way that plural of villus is villi, plural of fungus is fungi -" 

"Shut up!" shouted Ken, and then paused. "Is that true? Genii? It doesn't sound right. Did you just make that up?" 

Izzy just smiled, infuriatingly calm. Ken growled and shook his head. 

"Well, it doesn't matter. I, being an evil genius, have done my research! I read about documented battles against Etemon! And I know this - IF A DIGIMON TRIES TO DIGIVOLVE WHEN IT IS STUFFED FULL OF FOOD, IT WILL TURN INTO SKULLGREYMON!" 

Everyone facefaulted. 

"Uhh, pal," said Tai, "I don't think you've done your research too thoroughly." 

"Nonetheless, you can't hope to oppose me with those - THOSE legathargic porkymon." 

"I am not a porkymon," said Veemon, and belched. 

"And I've been training Wormmon! Wormmon, String Shot!" 

Wormmon sweatdropped. "Master, I think you've been playing that Pokemon game you got for Christmas a little too often." 

TK laughed. "Do evil masterminds often play Pokemon? Why Ken, I never picked you for a closet fan." 

Wormmon said innocently, "yeah, he's really into it! He's got this level 48 Caterpie called Fuzzy that he -" 

"Shut up, Wormmon!" 

Wormmon pouted, and went over to the food table. 

Davis started laughing. "Level 48 Caterpie! Man, that really bites!" 

Ken's expression darkened. "Do NOT insult Fuzzy. Fuzzy could kick your butt." 

Davis snorted. Ken whipped out his Game Boy. "Is that a challenge?" 

Davis also pulled out a Game Boy from nowhere. "You're on, cape boy. Just... just so long as I don't have to get up." 

Ken sweatdropped. "How much DID you eat? Oh, that reminds me! Wormmon! Time to finally defeat the digidoomed! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

"Project from the diaphragm," said Davis, "and you gotta kind of choke out the last 'ha', like it tastes bad." 

"Like this? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" 

"Mm, better." 

Ken shook his head. "Why am I talking to this idiot?" 

"Idiot!" cheered Kari, "that works much better than 'fool'!" 

"'m gettin' a headache..." mumbled Ken. 

"Would you like some eggnog?" offered Cody, "if you eat something you might feel better." 

"NO I DO NOT WANT SOME EGGNOG!" shouted Ken, "I want to defeat you all! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

"Stop doing that," said TK, irritably. 

"Hey come on TL, practise makes perfect," said Davis. 

"Wormmon!" called Ken, "now! The digidestined Digimon are all too full of food to move! You can beat them easily!" 

Wormmon turned, crumbs falling out of his mouth. The turkey had been picked clean, and the chip bowl was empty. 

"Sorry, master," said Wormmon, pathetically, looking decidedly plumper, "I think I ate too much, I don't think I could even move..." 

Ken stared at him in silence for a moment, his mouth hanging open. Then Tai threw a chocolate-covered peanut at his open mouth, with pretty decent aim. Ken sputtered and glared at Tai. 

"Was that REALLY necessary? I can't believe this... I... I give up... graaah!" 

He turned and stomped out. 

"Merry Christmas!" called Kari. 

"Thanks for the feast!" added Cody. 

"Bah, humbug," said Ken, and slammed the door. 

And there was goodwill and peace towards all men, and women, and Digimon, and Digiwomon. Except for Ken, who stormed back to his Evil Bad Guy Lair (TM) to fume and plot dark things and otherwise engage in unwholesome un-Christmaslike activities, and Wormmon who searched diligently for a decently-priced coal bin to give Ken as a Christmas present. 

To hold Ken's gifts from Santamon, of course. 

   [1]: mailto:leto@nysa.cx



End file.
